Ladies, Let's Talk about Guilt

I was with a client recently and she is a international business coach working with huge corporations and especially female CEO's. The topic of guilt came up and guilt specifically pertaining to women!

How woman feel guilt when they do something just for themselves. Especially if it involves spending money on only themselves. 

Why is this that we feel this way? Why can't we do something for our selves and feel good about it?

Why can't we see that making ourselves happy WILL benefit everyone in our lives?

I had this realization also this week while my boyfriend was away for work over the weekend. We do not have children nor are we married, so a weekend to myself should result in the ultimate girls weekend right?

I began to dream of a day at the spa and a mani-pedi, brunch with old friends. Then, I started rationalizing against all these fabulous ideas and had thoughts of "no you shouldn't spend all that money on just yourself" or I thought "we could spend this money on a weekend together".

I caught myself discrediting my worth and rationalizing why it's not worth the money....to spend it on JUST ME!

What?!! Where does this all come from? Why do I have GUILT about spending MY OWN money on myself and my happiness. 

As woman we often put "the greater good" of our loved ones above ourselves. Then, we feel guilt when we do something wonderful for ourselves.

Everyday Glamour and finding balance starts with ourselves and making the time to find that little part of self-love everyday.

BALANCE IS BULLSH*T | TAKE BACK BALANCE

“We need more balance in our lives” is something we have heard for years and throughout the the media. This term typically refers to women, working moms, career women trying to do and have it all, right?

Well, we have been fed a lie. That we CAN have balance and NEED it in our lives.

(Bare with me this is a long post because you've gotta hear this!)

By definition “Balance” means “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions”, which is not intended to be applied to “balance” in one’s life.

To do two things simultaneously and equally efficient, is actually IMPOSSIBLE!

You may think, well it is physically possible to do two things, Michelle. I can walk and talk or sing and drive at the same time.

But have you ever noticed how when you need to fully concentrate, say in the car when you are lost and looking for directions; you may lower the radio?

Or when you are walking and talking but then need to focus on the important key point you are trying to make to your boss; you will stop walking?

The term “balance” when pertaining to women’s lives was first introduced in the public mainstream in the 1980’s when women began to take over the American corporate work force.

By nature, humans, are not able to equally distribute our “elements in correct proportions”. The word balance is a noun, it is a “thing”. It should not be used to describe a human behavior.

It’s better to say that we as women need to practice the act of “BALANCING” which is a verb and an action we can do in our lives.

I want you to no longer say “I need more balance in my life”, what we need to shift our mindset to say “I am actively balancing my priorities by valuing myself as a priority”.
 

Have you ever noticed that on Airplanes during the introductory safety drill, the flight attendant says “in case of an emergency, place the oxygen mask over yourself before assisting children or others”.

We can not help the ones we love in our lives if we do not take care of ourselves first.

Since practicing more self love and self care for myself, my business has grown beyond my dreams, my relationship with my boyfriend is stronger than ever, and I have more energy and motivation for everyone. I’ve created healthy habits that will carry on throughout my life so I can one day care for my family and my clients with all of my self. A happier, healthier, more confident version all from showing myself a little love too.

The Dali Lama once said “ The world will be saved by the Western Woman”.

 

If we take care of ourselves, we have more of ourselves to give. We can volunteer, create companies that change the world, raise children that are mindful and respectful of our world and humanity.

5 Tips | Learn to Quiet Your Inner Critic

View fullsize

How many times have you heard an inner voice? An inner voice that is usually a big fat meanie? She criticizes your hair, your body, or intelligence? She makes you doubt yourself and your decisions.

We all have her living inside us. She is not your friend and should kindly be told to “shut up”. 

I have struggled for years with this voice that is so mean, she is evil and in no longer welcome to speak to me. I have learned to quiet her voice so that my stronger, kinder side can speak LOUDER. 

This has helped me love myself more, launch a thriving business, and rock my life. 

I have learned to do this with 5 easy tips to Quiet your Inner Critic. 

1- Name your inner voice because she is not you!

 This will allow you to see her as someone outside of yourself and this way you can kindly tell her to “shut up.” So that you can go on to love yourself and do amazing things with your life. 

2- Acknowledge your fear but do not let it stop you.
 

Taking on a new job, starting something new, or doing something right, can all be scary but fear is temporary and if we acknowledge that it is there then we can conquer it. 

3- Remind yourself how amazing you are!
 

When that little voice creeps in, say out loud, what makes you amazing and awesome! Point out how gorgeous you are and why your rock! 

4- Get productive.
 

How can you be negative if you are actively working towards your goal? At the end of the day you will feel amazing and happy. 

5- Ask yourself, “would I say this to my best friend, mother, or sister?”
 

We are so hard on ourselves and so often we are so mean that we would never speak these words to women we love. So why on Earth would we say these negative and hurtful things to ourselves? So next time you hear that “inner critic” say something mean, stop her because you do not speak to ones you love like that!

SPEAK TO YOURSELF LIKE YOU SPEAK TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE. 

What A Bad $300 Hair Cut Taught Me

At the beginning of this year I decided it was time to update my very own portraits for myself and my brand.

I was just like any of my clients, nervous before the shoot, running around to get new dresses, and make sure everything was ready for my big day. It’s not everyday, I actually turn the camera on myself so, this was a BIG DEAL!

Then I realized, that I should really invest in this so I look and feel like a million bucks! I was going to go the full mile.

So, I booked a salon appointment with a high end Miami Beach Salon.

There is actually one thing I am pretty self conscious about and get very nervous with, it’s my thin hair.  So all too often, I don’t fuss over it or spend a lot of time or money on it.

I get very nervous letting a stylist run their fingers through it. Especially in a town that has so many gorgeous women with gorgeous hair. I didn’t want to be judged or shamed for my painfully thin hair.

So with hesitation, I booked an appointment and told myself “it will be worth it and relaxing, I’ll treat myself".

Well it was ANYTHING BUT RELAXING! My stylist took me to his chair and immediately began what he thought I needed. I was terribly nervous and only spoke up a little, “I’m not sure if I like highlights”.

He told me, “you really need them to cover the damage”. So I went with it.

I asked for a glass of wine to calm my nerves, he almost laughed and said “oh no, we don’t have wine”, so he brought me water in a plastic cup. (YUCK)

Then, he proceeds to totally process my hair, wash it in painfully cold water, and chop the crap out of it.

I HATED IT! It was nothing that I wanted and looked dull.

I left and went to my car and cried after forking up $300 for that experience. (I did go back the next day to have it re-adjusted but I still wasn’t happy.)

It wasn’t so much about the cut or color. They were fine, I guess. My friends and family reassured me that it looked “nice”.

It was the fact that entire experience left me feeling horrible! I felt unloved, unheard, and terrible for spending that kind of money without LOVING it!

I took this experience to completely relate to what my clients are probably feeling before they step in front of my camera.

They are terrified, they are vulnerable, they are a little self conscious. They need to be listened to, they need to comforted, and they need to be pampered!

I told this story to my entire team! I told them that “no woman should ever feel this way in our studio”!

This is a safe place, a place to be creative, and to feel loved. Together we need to create portraits they LOVE for a lifetime.

But most of all they need to leave the studio with a smile on their face!

Every moment in life is an opportunity to learn and grow. I will take this experience to learn from it and turn it into something positive for others.

 

Take Back Balance | A Self Love Challenge

Do you struggle with finding balance in your life? Do you ever make yourself a priority?

Do you feel guilty about spending time or money on your self?

As women we rarely make time for ourselves outside of our career and personal lives.

After struggling for years to find a way to love myself for who I am and now, after mastering the art of photographing women, I have come to realize we all struggle with this.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

I want to help you begin your own journey towards more self love and higher self esteem though daily practices of mindfulness, gratitude, and self care.

I have created a fun, easy to follow FREE 15 DAY Beauty & Empowerment Challenge for women only! 

I hope you will join me and join the movement! 

The challenge begins March 28th!

When My Friends Become My Clients

Thankfully, I have created a career that I love, that feeds my soul, and is actually a lot of fun! As a result, my clients often become my good friends. We often keep in touch and meet up for lunch and cocktails.

If you know me well then you know, I am obsessed with the TV hit show, FRIENDS. Just this week a client had to call me Sunday night to tell me FRIENDS had a reunion Live on NBC. (Which I had no clue about and thankfully we are close enough she knew to call me for such an epic event!)

So, what happens when my current friends choose to trust me with their own portraits and become my clients?

This month, I was blessed enough to actually photograph 6 of my dear girlfriends. Women that make me laugh, pick me up when I am down, and inspire me to do better and strive for greatness.

As I grow older and approach the next chapter in my life as a “30 something”, my girlfriends become that much more important to me and my success in life.

These relationships are more than surface level friendships. My girlfriends have now become my mentors and my inspiration.

These women are already mothers, successful business owners, artists, entrepreneurs, and some have overcome heart breaking loses. They are strong, uplifting, and resilient.

So what happens when I am blessed enough to work with them?

It actually makes me nervous! Why? I know these women well, I know how beautiful they are, how much they do for others, how hard they work! Yet sometimes they can’t always see it themselves even though we all see their true beauty.

It is my personal mission to bring out the beauty in all women, but when it’s my dearest friends, it means so much that they see it too.

It’s the biggest compliment that these women now love themselves in photographs and embrace this time in their gorgeous lives.

Why Do I Share Transformations?

What is the deal with showing a Before and After image of my clients?

I don’t know about you but I am a fanatic about TV “Makeover” shows. What Not To Wear. LOVE LUST or Run, The Biggest Loser, are some of my guilty pleasures to watch. 

It’s not just the end result that I am fascinated by, it’s that, that person has always been inside of the participants! 

That stay-at-home mom who has baby spit on her sweatpants; she IS a gorgeous goddess and a rockstar!

We all have busy schedules. Things to do, work, and the kids all become what is most important and sometimes we ourselves take a back seat. Our health, our wardrobe, our hair & makeup, are ranked at the bottom of our priorities list.

So once in awhile, it’s great to take that back! To take back balance. To take back you! 

So, why do I show you transformations? To show you that we are all human and imperfectly perfect.

 We all get busy but we ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!

We are in a tribe of mothers, sisters, daughters, and wives. We do so much for everyone in our lives but we must not forget to give ourselves a little love too. 

I would never ask my clients to do something that I would not do myself. 

So here you have it! My straight-out-of-bed to full on Glam transformation! 

I just think they are so cool to do too! Please feel free to share this with your friends and girlfriends.